I just turned six months in my current job as Training Officer in a college. I can say training is my passion. After college graduation, my first job was Training Assistant in a retail company, but it only lasted for a month. I was then transferred to the Human Resource Administration as Section Head and was responsible for the HR concerns of all the agency-based employees of the company. The job lasted for more than a year only because the company declared bankruptcy. Under the new management, I chose the position of Training Staff when the corporate HR manager made me choose between two positions. A year later, I became the Personnel Officer, and I think my experience in training, which exposed me to the intricacies of the company policies, rules and regulations, was one of the major considerations I got the promotion.
I am glad I got this new job. I am even happier my boss considered me for regularization amidst the cost cutting measures the company has been implementing. Though I was hoping to get security of tenure, along the way, I prepared myself with the possibility that my contract would be terminated. The thought somehow caused me anxiety but I refused to wallow in it. I was confident God will order my steps.
So, how's the past six months in my current job?
I have my share of many "firsts" in this institution. First time to have a very comfortable work schedule. I can now go home from work, still with the clear sky. First time to have pool swimming with officemates. First time to work with adorable kids around (my officemates' kids who go to our office after class) who are my stress relievers. First time to organize a talk by one famous literary critic and former Education Undersecretary, Dr. Isagani R. Cruz. First time to make write-ups for our training activities, published in the school's newsletter and website. First time to make solicitation letters for the school's major events. First time to attend spiritual enhancement during office hours. And first time to have a constant lunch buddy.
I am not pretty sure though as to how long will I serve in this institution. One thing I am sure of is that, so far I am living a more balanced life now. :)
Monday, December 13, 2010
Sunday, November 21, 2010
My Favorite Mistakes
"I'm addicted to you; you're a hard habit to break..."
This line of Chicago's song entitled Hard Habit to Break has made me think of my few hard habits to break, which I prefer to call, my favorite mistakes.
I am a night person. Yes, I do plan to sleep early and wake up early but I rarely do. I wont get sleepy until the clock hits 12MN (like a Cinderella, huh!). Each morning, I hardly drag myself out of bed. The alarm clock works for me but I just like re-setting it. The good thing though is that I make it on time for work. I was only tardy twice, when I accidentally brushed my leg to a hot flat iron and when I failed to notice my cellphone clock was reset. However, most of the time I go to work with empty stomach. I am fully aware that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. I have heard about it many times from medical people and read it in many health-related articles. Unfortunately, it remains a head knowledge for me, no application yet. And each time hunger pangs and sleepiness attack, I am regretful. And again, I tell myself to sleep early and wake up early, only to do the opposite the next day.
I am a couch potato. I wont mind being in the house the whole day just watching movies, reading books, surfing the internet, writing in my blog, while eating cookies and chips. I like sports but I need someone to bring me along to the basketball court or the bowling station. I also like to go to the gym but not yet pressured to do so looking at my relatively slim figure (though I think recently I have gained weight and "fats"). Two months ago, I played bowling with my church care group but it has been two years since the last time I played basketball. My sporty momentum was lost with my extreme busyness the past two years. Nevertheless, I want to have regular sports and exercise to keep my body fit and healthy. Maybe, I'll start next week? (Here I go again! Same familiar line.)
I am a hopeless romantic. I do not easily fall in love but when I do I love until it hurts. In my past relationship, I gave a second chance, amidst oppositions of my family and my friends, only to be doubly hurt on the second betrayal. A part of me did regret, but I learned one important thing--that choosing the one for me is really hard without God leading my heart. Since then, I entrust to God my future lifetime partner.
Yes, I wrestle with my heart--to stop being a hopeless romantic and be more in touch with reality. I do tell my heart to love the one who loves me, not necessarily the one I love. After all, love can be learned. But my heart is not convinced so far. The statement of Blaise Pascal, "The heart has its own reasons that reason cannot understand", seems to justify my stubborn heart. I believe that the love I deserve will just come. I do not have to settle for the second best. God's best is worth waiting for. Now, I want to call myself a "hopeful romantic".
My favorite mistakes. They make me sick and cry once in a while. Yet, they are just hard to break. . .
This line of Chicago's song entitled Hard Habit to Break has made me think of my few hard habits to break, which I prefer to call, my favorite mistakes.
I am a night person. Yes, I do plan to sleep early and wake up early but I rarely do. I wont get sleepy until the clock hits 12MN (like a Cinderella, huh!). Each morning, I hardly drag myself out of bed. The alarm clock works for me but I just like re-setting it. The good thing though is that I make it on time for work. I was only tardy twice, when I accidentally brushed my leg to a hot flat iron and when I failed to notice my cellphone clock was reset. However, most of the time I go to work with empty stomach. I am fully aware that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. I have heard about it many times from medical people and read it in many health-related articles. Unfortunately, it remains a head knowledge for me, no application yet. And each time hunger pangs and sleepiness attack, I am regretful. And again, I tell myself to sleep early and wake up early, only to do the opposite the next day.
I am a couch potato. I wont mind being in the house the whole day just watching movies, reading books, surfing the internet, writing in my blog, while eating cookies and chips. I like sports but I need someone to bring me along to the basketball court or the bowling station. I also like to go to the gym but not yet pressured to do so looking at my relatively slim figure (though I think recently I have gained weight and "fats"). Two months ago, I played bowling with my church care group but it has been two years since the last time I played basketball. My sporty momentum was lost with my extreme busyness the past two years. Nevertheless, I want to have regular sports and exercise to keep my body fit and healthy. Maybe, I'll start next week? (Here I go again! Same familiar line.)
I am a hopeless romantic. I do not easily fall in love but when I do I love until it hurts. In my past relationship, I gave a second chance, amidst oppositions of my family and my friends, only to be doubly hurt on the second betrayal. A part of me did regret, but I learned one important thing--that choosing the one for me is really hard without God leading my heart. Since then, I entrust to God my future lifetime partner.
Yes, I wrestle with my heart--to stop being a hopeless romantic and be more in touch with reality. I do tell my heart to love the one who loves me, not necessarily the one I love. After all, love can be learned. But my heart is not convinced so far. The statement of Blaise Pascal, "The heart has its own reasons that reason cannot understand", seems to justify my stubborn heart. I believe that the love I deserve will just come. I do not have to settle for the second best. God's best is worth waiting for. Now, I want to call myself a "hopeful romantic".
My favorite mistakes. They make me sick and cry once in a while. Yet, they are just hard to break. . .
Sunday, November 14, 2010
When My Mind and My Heart Collide
Many people think I am the rational type. Today, two friends from church were surprised to discover I am more emotional than logical in certain aspects. With my educational background and work experiences, they expected me to be able to rationalize things out, which include my emotions.
I admit I am rational most of the time. When I was a student, obtaining good grades mattered to me because I had to maintain good academic standing--to prove that I belonged to the honor roll not by chance but by competence, and to maintain my scholarship when I entered UP. I did not even try getting into a relationship with the fear it would ruin my studies. When I started my career at 20, I was too focused in my job that one officemate tagged me as the "serious type" because she did not hear me laugh the whole day, and said it was unusual considering my young age. On the later years, my manager considered me as a "young person with a mature mind", and so at 23, she gave me such huge responsibility to supervise the HR department. I was hesitant but more challenged so I accepted the job. And the experience made me more rational than emotional. I always told myself, it's only work, it's not necessarily about me. So each time I heard criticisms about me concerning my work, I just convinced myself to take it constructively, not emotionally. And so my motto was: " my job does not deserve my tears!". It took plenty of rationalization to appease my doubting young mind and heart though every time I wanted but controlled myself not to cry. I think I managed it gracefully. I appeared strong to them because they did not see me cry.
No wonder why most people in my previous company considered me strict, unfriendly, not the smiling type and so on. They never knew it was my defense mechanism for those times I experienced being belittled by some older colleagues merely because of my age. They just did not know that for many times I thought of giving up too. But I stayed because I wanted to prove to them and to myself that I was no quitter. And true enough, I remained in the company for almost eight years, and through the years, older colleagues got used with me. And I suppose they gradually understood it was not about me, it was about the nature of my job.
Right now, I sometimes wonder if I am the rational or the emotional type. I think I am still both. I am rational when it comes to my job as I want to take it professionally. However, I am emotional when it comes to my relationships. I only have few but trusted friends. I am also a trusting person to people who already have a place in my heart. Usually, it takes me some time to trust someone. But there were also instances that it only took me few months to really give my trust.
So when my mind and my heart collide, my choice largely depends on the situation. But as I mature now, I want to strike a good balance. :)
I admit I am rational most of the time. When I was a student, obtaining good grades mattered to me because I had to maintain good academic standing--to prove that I belonged to the honor roll not by chance but by competence, and to maintain my scholarship when I entered UP. I did not even try getting into a relationship with the fear it would ruin my studies. When I started my career at 20, I was too focused in my job that one officemate tagged me as the "serious type" because she did not hear me laugh the whole day, and said it was unusual considering my young age. On the later years, my manager considered me as a "young person with a mature mind", and so at 23, she gave me such huge responsibility to supervise the HR department. I was hesitant but more challenged so I accepted the job. And the experience made me more rational than emotional. I always told myself, it's only work, it's not necessarily about me. So each time I heard criticisms about me concerning my work, I just convinced myself to take it constructively, not emotionally. And so my motto was: " my job does not deserve my tears!". It took plenty of rationalization to appease my doubting young mind and heart though every time I wanted but controlled myself not to cry. I think I managed it gracefully. I appeared strong to them because they did not see me cry.
No wonder why most people in my previous company considered me strict, unfriendly, not the smiling type and so on. They never knew it was my defense mechanism for those times I experienced being belittled by some older colleagues merely because of my age. They just did not know that for many times I thought of giving up too. But I stayed because I wanted to prove to them and to myself that I was no quitter. And true enough, I remained in the company for almost eight years, and through the years, older colleagues got used with me. And I suppose they gradually understood it was not about me, it was about the nature of my job.
Right now, I sometimes wonder if I am the rational or the emotional type. I think I am still both. I am rational when it comes to my job as I want to take it professionally. However, I am emotional when it comes to my relationships. I only have few but trusted friends. I am also a trusting person to people who already have a place in my heart. Usually, it takes me some time to trust someone. But there were also instances that it only took me few months to really give my trust.
So when my mind and my heart collide, my choice largely depends on the situation. But as I mature now, I want to strike a good balance. :)
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
My Life Now
I just had one long week-end. Aside from my usual two days off from work (Saturday and Sunday), I did not report for work last Monday for it was a special non-working holiday in view of the barangay and SK elections.
I went to church last Sunday and had lunch with my care group at Times Square. It is always special for me to spend time with my friends from church. Sundays seem incomplete without eating lunch and bonding with them. The siomai from a vendor outside the church is also our favorite.
I had a movie marathon with my house mates last Saturday and Monday afternoons. The Saturday movie marathon was an "emote mode" with the Tagalog movie All My Life (not so happy-ending; the leading man died due to heart failure--good thing he married the woman he loved before he died and she was left with a child). It was also a "scream mode" with an English movie Piranha (human-killing fish). The Monday movie marathon was a "kilig mode" with the movie Reign of Assassins (the lead assassins in this movie just love each other deeply!) a "sleeping mode" (slept on the couch) with the movie Transformers.
It's been about five months now that I am already enjoying long week-ends. Looking back, I was one of the busiest persons in the world. I worked for 6 days a week, more than 8 hours a day; and I attended my masteral class once a week for 9 hours. For almost two years, idling was not in my mind. Every single day was always in a rush with the pressures with my work and my masteral study.
My life is carefree and flexible now with the luxury of time I enjoy. No more sleepless nights due to masteral papers. No more morning rush. No more chasing with time. I now have more time for afternoon naps. More time to surf the internet (e.g. FB, RareJob and Blog). More time for malling. More time for sports (did enjoy playing bowling with my church mates). More time for movie marathon and meals with house mates who used to complain I did not have time for them as I always came home late and already drained with the long day. They said, they see me now come into life again as I share child-like laughters with them.
My life is more meaningful now. My church mates express joy that they now see me regularly in the church, every Wednesday for our prayer meeting, every Friday for the Young Professional Care Group bible study, and every Sunday for the Fellowship. I also have more time now to read my bible and the Purpose Driven Life. I also have my care group and a dear friend who always encourage me to do my quiet time and grow in my love relationship with the Lord.
My life is really different now. And I just love it. I get to spend time with more important activities, church activities at that, and with significant people. . . After all, the best way to spell love is T-I-M-E (from PDL).
Thank you Lord for these blessings! :)
I went to church last Sunday and had lunch with my care group at Times Square. It is always special for me to spend time with my friends from church. Sundays seem incomplete without eating lunch and bonding with them. The siomai from a vendor outside the church is also our favorite.
I had a movie marathon with my house mates last Saturday and Monday afternoons. The Saturday movie marathon was an "emote mode" with the Tagalog movie All My Life (not so happy-ending; the leading man died due to heart failure--good thing he married the woman he loved before he died and she was left with a child). It was also a "scream mode" with an English movie Piranha (human-killing fish). The Monday movie marathon was a "kilig mode" with the movie Reign of Assassins (the lead assassins in this movie just love each other deeply!) a "sleeping mode" (slept on the couch) with the movie Transformers.
It's been about five months now that I am already enjoying long week-ends. Looking back, I was one of the busiest persons in the world. I worked for 6 days a week, more than 8 hours a day; and I attended my masteral class once a week for 9 hours. For almost two years, idling was not in my mind. Every single day was always in a rush with the pressures with my work and my masteral study.
My life is carefree and flexible now with the luxury of time I enjoy. No more sleepless nights due to masteral papers. No more morning rush. No more chasing with time. I now have more time for afternoon naps. More time to surf the internet (e.g. FB, RareJob and Blog). More time for malling. More time for sports (did enjoy playing bowling with my church mates). More time for movie marathon and meals with house mates who used to complain I did not have time for them as I always came home late and already drained with the long day. They said, they see me now come into life again as I share child-like laughters with them.
My life is more meaningful now. My church mates express joy that they now see me regularly in the church, every Wednesday for our prayer meeting, every Friday for the Young Professional Care Group bible study, and every Sunday for the Fellowship. I also have more time now to read my bible and the Purpose Driven Life. I also have my care group and a dear friend who always encourage me to do my quiet time and grow in my love relationship with the Lord.
My life is really different now. And I just love it. I get to spend time with more important activities, church activities at that, and with significant people. . . After all, the best way to spell love is T-I-M-E (from PDL).
Thank you Lord for these blessings! :)
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
My Prayers
Dear Lord,
Please teach me to walk by faith and not by sight.
Please teach me to be strong when I feel weak.
Please teach me to trust you completely when I find it difficult to understand.
Please teach me to hold on unto you when I feel like I am losing my grip.
Please teach me to have faith when I lose hope.
Please teach me to smile when I feel like crying.
Thank you Lord for loving me faithfully! :)
Please teach me to walk by faith and not by sight.
Please teach me to be strong when I feel weak.
Please teach me to trust you completely when I find it difficult to understand.
Please teach me to hold on unto you when I feel like I am losing my grip.
Please teach me to have faith when I lose hope.
Please teach me to smile when I feel like crying.
Thank you Lord for loving me faithfully! :)
Thursday, October 7, 2010
The Heart of Worship is Surrender
My life has been a little shaky lately as I am trying to let the time passes by, trying not to notice so much of what's happening. As I am learning to become less of a planner. As I am learning to be more spontaneous. As I am learning to be more trusting, not to anyone else, but to God.
I am feeling tired along the way. I am tired of trying not to notice how things unfold in my life. I am tired of trying not to figure out what lies ahead. I am tired of hoping. I am tired of waiting. I think it's the planner and the controller in me. I just want to know every step of the way. I just want to walk with a clear direction. I just want to be in control.
But no, this isn't what God wants for me. He wants me to have a heart that fully surrenders to His will. I have learned from the Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren that the heart of worship is surrender. That is to fully surrender your life to the Lord, the requirements of which are trust and obedience. That I should learn to let God be in control, not myself. Well, this is easier said than done. I have been struggling. I have been crying to God, expressing my regrets and doubts. Yet, sometimes, I feel that He seems distant with some unanswered prayers. . . Then I am reminded, it's because I don't have the heart of true worship yet.
I humbly admit that it's only by God's grace that I will be able to fully surrender to Him. In my own weaknesses, it is difficult. But I know, that in my weaknesses, God's strength will prevail, if I only trust and obey.
Lord, I entrust all my cares unto you. You know everything about me. You know my fears. You know my heart. I ask you to change my heart. I ask you to give me a heart that truly and fully surrenders to you as I put my hope in you and in your words (Jeremiah 29:11 and Ecclesiastes 3:11).
Thank you so much, Lord!
I am feeling tired along the way. I am tired of trying not to notice how things unfold in my life. I am tired of trying not to figure out what lies ahead. I am tired of hoping. I am tired of waiting. I think it's the planner and the controller in me. I just want to know every step of the way. I just want to walk with a clear direction. I just want to be in control.
But no, this isn't what God wants for me. He wants me to have a heart that fully surrenders to His will. I have learned from the Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren that the heart of worship is surrender. That is to fully surrender your life to the Lord, the requirements of which are trust and obedience. That I should learn to let God be in control, not myself. Well, this is easier said than done. I have been struggling. I have been crying to God, expressing my regrets and doubts. Yet, sometimes, I feel that He seems distant with some unanswered prayers. . . Then I am reminded, it's because I don't have the heart of true worship yet.
I humbly admit that it's only by God's grace that I will be able to fully surrender to Him. In my own weaknesses, it is difficult. But I know, that in my weaknesses, God's strength will prevail, if I only trust and obey.
Lord, I entrust all my cares unto you. You know everything about me. You know my fears. You know my heart. I ask you to change my heart. I ask you to give me a heart that truly and fully surrenders to you as I put my hope in you and in your words (Jeremiah 29:11 and Ecclesiastes 3:11).
Thank you so much, Lord!
Friday, October 1, 2010
Leading My Heart
My heart has its series of ups and downs.
Sometimes, I find it difficult to really understand my heart. Its emotions are never stable. Deep inside me, I wish for my heart to remain steadfast with joy. But I think, it can never be. As seasons change, my heart also does. It's happy now, it's sad later on. It's convinced now, it's skeptical the day after.
Oftentimes, I am teaching my heart to be as "gentle as a dove but as wise as a serpent". Yet, I've realized it's painstakingly difficult. How many times my heart has been broken? Many times for some reasons. Unmet expectations. Undeserved criticisms. Failed relationships. Shattered trust. And a lot more.
On its own, my heart could go astray, especially when it is hurting too much or wanting something too badly. I am just blessed with what I learned from the movie, Fireproof. That I should not just follow my heart for it can be deceived; I should lead it.
When confused, when doubting, when hurt, my heart needs me to lead it. I should not be overwhelmed with how it is feeling. Instead, I should direct it towards the right direction. Where there is comfort and refuge. Where there is peace and joy.
And I am asking the Lord to lead me as I lead my heart. =)
Sometimes, I find it difficult to really understand my heart. Its emotions are never stable. Deep inside me, I wish for my heart to remain steadfast with joy. But I think, it can never be. As seasons change, my heart also does. It's happy now, it's sad later on. It's convinced now, it's skeptical the day after.
Oftentimes, I am teaching my heart to be as "gentle as a dove but as wise as a serpent". Yet, I've realized it's painstakingly difficult. How many times my heart has been broken? Many times for some reasons. Unmet expectations. Undeserved criticisms. Failed relationships. Shattered trust. And a lot more.
On its own, my heart could go astray, especially when it is hurting too much or wanting something too badly. I am just blessed with what I learned from the movie, Fireproof. That I should not just follow my heart for it can be deceived; I should lead it.
When confused, when doubting, when hurt, my heart needs me to lead it. I should not be overwhelmed with how it is feeling. Instead, I should direct it towards the right direction. Where there is comfort and refuge. Where there is peace and joy.
And I am asking the Lord to lead me as I lead my heart. =)
Saturday, September 11, 2010
God's Grace Is Enough For Me
Listening to Chris Tomlin's song, Your Grace is Enough, has sparked a new hope in my heart.
". . .Remember your people. Remember you children. Remember your promise, oh God. . ."
These lines of the song are somewhat a plea with God to remember. But has He ever forgotten? Of course not. Indeed, God's grace is enough! The life alone He has given is more than enough to prove that His grace is enough.
By God's grace, I am saved. For it is by God's grace that you have been saved through faith. It is not the result of your own efforts, but God's gift, so that no one can boast about it (Ephesians 2:8-9).
By His grace, I am breathing. By His grace, I am living. By His grace I am stronger after all the trials. By His grace, I am holding on to His promises of a good future. For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plan to prosper you and not to harm you, plan to give you the future you hope for (Jeremiah 29:11).
Lord, it's all about your grace. Without your grace, I am nothing. I am just like a wave being tossed by the wind in the ocean. I am just like a flower that withers and dies. I am what I am now because of your grace. Your loving grace.
How can I express my thanksgiving, Lord?
". . .Remember your people. Remember you children. Remember your promise, oh God. . ."
These lines of the song are somewhat a plea with God to remember. But has He ever forgotten? Of course not. Indeed, God's grace is enough! The life alone He has given is more than enough to prove that His grace is enough.
By God's grace, I am saved. For it is by God's grace that you have been saved through faith. It is not the result of your own efforts, but God's gift, so that no one can boast about it (Ephesians 2:8-9).
By His grace, I am breathing. By His grace, I am living. By His grace I am stronger after all the trials. By His grace, I am holding on to His promises of a good future. For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plan to prosper you and not to harm you, plan to give you the future you hope for (Jeremiah 29:11).
Lord, it's all about your grace. Without your grace, I am nothing. I am just like a wave being tossed by the wind in the ocean. I am just like a flower that withers and dies. I am what I am now because of your grace. Your loving grace.
How can I express my thanksgiving, Lord?
Being Alone in the Dark
Twas past 12 mid-night when I got home from the bible study and birthday celebration of Elwyn (a churchmate)at his place. I brought my house keys but the main door was already double locked. Since the house was ransacked few weeks ago, our landlady has imposed to double lock the main door at 12 mid-night. When we were about to leave at Elwyn's place, I called up a roommate and asked a favor to open the main door for me. I was a bit apprehensive though if she could make it knowing she's a sleepyhead. When I reached home, my landlady opened the main door while I was still opening the gate. I was glad she was still awake. I thanked her as I entered the house. I immediately headed to the comfort room and few minutes later went upstairs where our room is located. And to my dismay, the door was closed! I called up my two roommates but their cellphones just kept on ringing. After many attempts, I decided to spend the night in the living room. Still, God is good as I was safe inside the house.
Since my younger years, I have been afraid of being alone in the dark. Maybe because I am used to having roommates. I shared the room with my older sister from elementary to high school. When I was in college, I also stayed in the dormitory where I shared the room with three others. Maidy, a dorm mate, remarked that I should not be afraid being alone in the dark. . . for in the dark, tears can freely fall without being seen. I do think she is right. When I feel down, I do cry with the lights off. I do not want my roommates to see me crying. I do not want them to witness my vulnerability. Through the years, I have learned crying in the dark, without being noticed by roommates (though at times, my eyebugs simply showed I cried!).
Amazing. Last night, I did not feel any fear while being alone in the dark. The big mirror in the living room did not scare me, too. I am usually afraid of a big mirror during night time (I like the mirror during day time, especially when I am fixing myself!), with the childish thought and cowardice that some ghosts might appear in there.
I fell asleep at approximately 2:30AM. For the two hours I was awake, I was lying down in the couch (good thing, it's a long couch and I just fit comfortably; was just a little uncomfortable wearing the same pants and blouse I wore in the bible study/party)while exchanging text messages with two of my churchmates (Matet and Tere) who were also concerned if I got home safely. Matet could not also sleep yet for she was still waiting for her beloved "best", Patrick, to arrive in his own home after bringing her home (so sweet!). The texts from another friend (Jaypee) also made me feel relieved; they offered me some company for a while.
I also spent time reflecting and talking to God. I could not explain but my heart was heavy then. Not because it was my first time not to sleep in our room after my four years of stay in the boarding house. I think it's because I am still trying to understand how few important things in my life have unfolded, with some unexpected "twists". I was asking God to give me comfort, peace and joy while waiting for Him to reveal His plans for me. But I must admit, waiting is truly tiring and painful... Without His grace, I can easily give up. But I do not want to give up too soon. Pastor Norman mentioned in his Sunday sermon that one of the reasons of failure is "giving up too soon."
Early morning, Matet sent me an inspiring verse found in Psalm 37:4, " Seek your happiness in the Lord, and He will give you your heart's desire. Tere also sent me another encouraging verse in Matthew 6:34, "So do not worry about tomorrow; it will have enough worries of its own. There is no need to add the troubles each day brings."
I am truly inspired with those verses. I thank God for using my care group to cheer me up. God is really sensitive of my feelings. He knows when I am joyful and sorrowful.
I do thank you, dear Lord for being with me always especially every time I am groping in the dark.
p.s. Today, I commit to read the book, Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. I want to have a 40-day journey with the Lord as I seek His will. =)
Since my younger years, I have been afraid of being alone in the dark. Maybe because I am used to having roommates. I shared the room with my older sister from elementary to high school. When I was in college, I also stayed in the dormitory where I shared the room with three others. Maidy, a dorm mate, remarked that I should not be afraid being alone in the dark. . . for in the dark, tears can freely fall without being seen. I do think she is right. When I feel down, I do cry with the lights off. I do not want my roommates to see me crying. I do not want them to witness my vulnerability. Through the years, I have learned crying in the dark, without being noticed by roommates (though at times, my eyebugs simply showed I cried!).
Amazing. Last night, I did not feel any fear while being alone in the dark. The big mirror in the living room did not scare me, too. I am usually afraid of a big mirror during night time (I like the mirror during day time, especially when I am fixing myself!), with the childish thought and cowardice that some ghosts might appear in there.
I fell asleep at approximately 2:30AM. For the two hours I was awake, I was lying down in the couch (good thing, it's a long couch and I just fit comfortably; was just a little uncomfortable wearing the same pants and blouse I wore in the bible study/party)while exchanging text messages with two of my churchmates (Matet and Tere) who were also concerned if I got home safely. Matet could not also sleep yet for she was still waiting for her beloved "best", Patrick, to arrive in his own home after bringing her home (so sweet!). The texts from another friend (Jaypee) also made me feel relieved; they offered me some company for a while.
I also spent time reflecting and talking to God. I could not explain but my heart was heavy then. Not because it was my first time not to sleep in our room after my four years of stay in the boarding house. I think it's because I am still trying to understand how few important things in my life have unfolded, with some unexpected "twists". I was asking God to give me comfort, peace and joy while waiting for Him to reveal His plans for me. But I must admit, waiting is truly tiring and painful... Without His grace, I can easily give up. But I do not want to give up too soon. Pastor Norman mentioned in his Sunday sermon that one of the reasons of failure is "giving up too soon."
Early morning, Matet sent me an inspiring verse found in Psalm 37:4, " Seek your happiness in the Lord, and He will give you your heart's desire. Tere also sent me another encouraging verse in Matthew 6:34, "So do not worry about tomorrow; it will have enough worries of its own. There is no need to add the troubles each day brings."
I am truly inspired with those verses. I thank God for using my care group to cheer me up. God is really sensitive of my feelings. He knows when I am joyful and sorrowful.
I do thank you, dear Lord for being with me always especially every time I am groping in the dark.
p.s. Today, I commit to read the book, Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. I want to have a 40-day journey with the Lord as I seek His will. =)
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
My 30th Birthday
September 3, 2010
My 30th birthday was one of the happiest. And my happiness just radiated in my face, they said.
Though I got caught with cold, I was still beaming with excitement thinking of the persons who would remember my special day and the feeling of being a year older.
Though I am used to celebrating my birthdays away from my family since I was in college, still a part of me was wishing I could spend my special day with my family. I once tried going home on my birthday but it was very physically draining with the long travel and short leave from work.
I celebrated my birthday with my officemates and my church mates (DBC Young Professional care group). A night before my birthday, I also joined the birthday celebration of Chandi, a house mate whose birthday was just a day ahead. I just bought an ice cream for them, which I refrained from eating due to my sore throat.
I had a simple but "sweet" lunch with my officemates. What made it sweet was the blue berry cheese cake (my fave cake!) an officemate surprisingly gave me. I was touched with his gesture. It was really sweet as he lit the yellow (my fave color) candle for me to blow, and hurriedly left to get the cake he was trying to hide from me. My officemates were teasing Jaypee. They remarked that for the past five years they have been officemates, it was his first time to give a birthday cake to an officemate. And how come he already gave me one when he just knew me for barely three months. And how come he was there when it was his day off (well, they did not know i invited him *wink*). Mischievous officemates! I could not help but smile and laugh the whole time we had lunch.
Again, I had a simple but "sweeter" dinner with my care group. We had a bible study led by Patrick. We regularly have bible study every Friday. Wonderful timing! My birthday was celebrated not just with foods but with God's words. I was also teary-eyed when my care group friends shared their thoughts for me. Well, what was common with their speech was that, their friendship with me was something they did not expect for certain reasons. Shiela mentioned she felt awkward with me because I seemed not approachable and too "lady-like" the first time we met, plus the fact that the guy she used to admire is a close friend of mine. Ellaine said it was because of my closeness to someone who used to be special to her (well, that was before I knew him..hehe) and my friendship with someone whom her boyfriend (Elwyn)used to court. Elwyn also cited the same reason. Tere, Matet and Patrick stated it was because we did not have much time to really mingle and bond because I was not attending the fellowship for about two years as I pursued my masteral study. I was only able to attend few times in the young professional fellowship.
Then, it was Jaypee's turn to speak. My care group friends really wanted him to be the last to talk (they said they wanted to reserve the best for last! hmmmnn...) He also said he did not "really" expect to have me as a close friend. I smiled when he said the three things he likes about me, that I am sweet, caring and a conversant ("makwento" as he said it). I also smiled when he said he always looks forward to see me and spend time with me as his lunch buddy(really? hehe). I did not expect him to share to the group that he already cried because of me though we are just friends (hmmnn... he made me cry, too...). I was a bit silent when he "sort of explained" to the group why he did not pursue courting me. (Maybe what gave him the courage to share it was the fact that I already shared it to my care group.) The rest of my care group attentively listened to him as he spoke. Maybe, just like me, they did not expect him to share it to them considering that they knew each other just recently through me.
When it was my turn to speak, I was teary-eyed, as I realized how blessed I am to have wonderful friends like them, whom I freely share my joys and fears without the fear of being misunderstood and misjudged. It is simply because I know their relationship with the Lord, and that they genuinely care for me not just as a friend but as a sister in the Lord. I also thank the Lord for they warmly welcome and befriend one special person in my life.
I praise and thank you Lord for these wonderful people!
Note: Thank you Jayp for your "sweet" friendship.
Friday, August 27, 2010
A Tired Heart Is Like A Dying Plant
We had this activity in our Science subject back in third grade. We planted two seeds of monggo beans in two separate pots. After few days, the seeds grew. One plant was well taken cared of: watered, exposed to the sunlight, and weeded. The other plant experienced the exact opposite. The plant that was nourished grew, with shiny green leaves; the unnourished one eventually withered and died. Our Science teacher explained to our young minds that chlorophyll is vital for photosynthesis, which allows plants to obtain energy from light. She said that the plant died due to absence of exposure to sunlight.
Learning from my Science subject, I made sure to take care of what I planted. I was in grade five when I tried growing orchids and daisies in our small garden at home. I watered my plants every morning and afternoon, before and after going to school. I made sure that no weeds would grow; otherwise, my plants would struggle and die due to lack of nourishment. The daisies and the orchids bloomed with very colorful flowers: yellow, red, orange, purple, etc. Seeing those beautiful flowers made me smile and proud. I felt like I have a “green thumb”. Until one heavy rain ruined them all. My orchids did not have nets to protect them. My daisies were washed away by the flood. It was terribly disappointing. I did not cry but I lost the passion to grow flowers.
Just thinking. Isn't a plant like one’s heart? Like a plant not cultivated, an abandoned heart does not grow into full. Just like a plant, a heart has to be nurtured by affection, care and love. Yes, God’s heart never ceases to love. Yet, a man’s heart may choose to stop loving — when taken for granted, hurt, and tired.
How do you take care of the hearts of those you love?
Learning from my Science subject, I made sure to take care of what I planted. I was in grade five when I tried growing orchids and daisies in our small garden at home. I watered my plants every morning and afternoon, before and after going to school. I made sure that no weeds would grow; otherwise, my plants would struggle and die due to lack of nourishment. The daisies and the orchids bloomed with very colorful flowers: yellow, red, orange, purple, etc. Seeing those beautiful flowers made me smile and proud. I felt like I have a “green thumb”. Until one heavy rain ruined them all. My orchids did not have nets to protect them. My daisies were washed away by the flood. It was terribly disappointing. I did not cry but I lost the passion to grow flowers.
Just thinking. Isn't a plant like one’s heart? Like a plant not cultivated, an abandoned heart does not grow into full. Just like a plant, a heart has to be nurtured by affection, care and love. Yes, God’s heart never ceases to love. Yet, a man’s heart may choose to stop loving — when taken for granted, hurt, and tired.
How do you take care of the hearts of those you love?
My Father's Love
I might be stubborn at times, but I have done my best to obey my parents as they kept on reminding me and my siblings of Ephesians 6:1, which says, “Children obey your parents for in the Lord this is right.”
True enough, I did not have a boyfriend until I finished college mainly because of my father. When I was in high school, Tatay told me, with a stern look and firm voice, that he would drag me home the moment he saw me with a guy. He was mad at me that time for I went home late (about 6:00PM) from class. He refused to believe I was in the town library doing research work. I was hurt he doubted me when I told him the truth.
Tatay is a man of few words (too few that I remembered) while Mama is a woman of many words (too many that I forgot). Back then, when Tatay spoke, his words penetrated to my heart. He seldom hurt me and my siblings in a physical manner. But I did experience a slap from him when I was in 4th year high school. He was terribly mad at me when I went home late from a movie house. As he slapped me (good thing it only hit the cap I wore and not much of my face), he insisted I was with someone (and I was pretty sure he was thinking of a male companion!). I cried hard. Not because of the physical pain but for his lack of trust. I did not understand why he had to slap me. I could have lied but opted to tell the truth. I was thinking he would understand and would just tell me not to do it again. After that incident, I was distant to him for more than a week. Later on, I “sort of realized” my fault and tried to make it up with him. I made sure to go home right after class and not to watch a movie again. I only went back to that movie house when we had a film viewing for our English subject.
Back then, I thought Tatay was too rigid. I was even surprised when he did not hesitate to send me to UP Mindanao for college, when I would be away from the family, from his eyes. Yet, he supported me the best he could. That time I suddenly felt I already gained his trust. That he believed I would still do well even while away. And it felt so good.
I still think Tatay is rigid. But the big difference now is that I understand why he had to when we were younger. He just loves me and my siblings so much to protect us by all means, from wrong actions, wrong paths, which may lead to greater pains.
I love both my father and my mother. But I would say that for most, it is my father who has shaped my character.
True enough, I did not have a boyfriend until I finished college mainly because of my father. When I was in high school, Tatay told me, with a stern look and firm voice, that he would drag me home the moment he saw me with a guy. He was mad at me that time for I went home late (about 6:00PM) from class. He refused to believe I was in the town library doing research work. I was hurt he doubted me when I told him the truth.
Tatay is a man of few words (too few that I remembered) while Mama is a woman of many words (too many that I forgot). Back then, when Tatay spoke, his words penetrated to my heart. He seldom hurt me and my siblings in a physical manner. But I did experience a slap from him when I was in 4th year high school. He was terribly mad at me when I went home late from a movie house. As he slapped me (good thing it only hit the cap I wore and not much of my face), he insisted I was with someone (and I was pretty sure he was thinking of a male companion!). I cried hard. Not because of the physical pain but for his lack of trust. I did not understand why he had to slap me. I could have lied but opted to tell the truth. I was thinking he would understand and would just tell me not to do it again. After that incident, I was distant to him for more than a week. Later on, I “sort of realized” my fault and tried to make it up with him. I made sure to go home right after class and not to watch a movie again. I only went back to that movie house when we had a film viewing for our English subject.
Back then, I thought Tatay was too rigid. I was even surprised when he did not hesitate to send me to UP Mindanao for college, when I would be away from the family, from his eyes. Yet, he supported me the best he could. That time I suddenly felt I already gained his trust. That he believed I would still do well even while away. And it felt so good.
I still think Tatay is rigid. But the big difference now is that I understand why he had to when we were younger. He just loves me and my siblings so much to protect us by all means, from wrong actions, wrong paths, which may lead to greater pains.
I love both my father and my mother. But I would say that for most, it is my father who has shaped my character.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
A Young Girl's Trusting Heart
'Twas my officemate's birthday and Christening of her son. I found myself playing "hide-and-seek" with the kids, running to and fro, while trying to take pictures of them and capture their care-free moments.
I was actually chasing one of the kids: a pretty, adventurous, and smart little girl, Jam, my officemate's middle child. Among the kids there, Jam was the only one aloof to me since it was only our second meeting. The rest of the kids (Bamboo & Red)are already comfortable with me. They gladly call my name and hug me almost every working day we see each other in the office after their class. Their school is just adjacent to our office. After all my efforts (to the extent of chasing her and sweating a lot!) to "win" her friendship, Jam allowed me to take a picture of her. She even agreed to take a picture with me.
As we were playing, I was truly amazed with a little girl's trusting heart. Jam never hesitated to jump off a four-foot wall towards the ready hands of her "tito Jaypee". And she excitedly did it several times, with no trace of fear. She also asked me to catch her while jumping off, but seeing my hesitant gesture, she changed her mind and instead asked Jaypee to catch her again. I then realized that even a child's trusting heart also needs a re-assuring stroke.
It felt good being with kids. As simple as a chasing game already painted happy smiles on their faces. (And how I wished I could be a child again!) I was drenched with sweat after more than an hour of playing. It was refreshing (just ignore the smell! *wink*- a drop of cologne helped!). And the long walk with Jaypee made it more refreshing...
When I got home, my child-like smiles reflected in the mirror. Indeed, a sunny Sunday afternoon.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
I Just Can't Help Myself
I just can't help but think about him.(Trying not to think about him makes me think of him more.)
I just can't help but enjoy his company. (My happy eyes and my smiles always betray me.)
I just cant help but smile with just the thought of him. (And it's hard to explain why.)
I just can't help but long to be near him. (Maybe because he makes me feel so light and comfortable.)
I just can't help but look forward to see him smile at me and tease me with his naughty ways. (He never fails to make me laugh.)
For now, I am just enjoying his friendship. Each day, I am appreciating him as a person and a friend. He's different. I even told him he is "an exemption to my rule".
I just pray to the Lord to lead my heart, and his too.
I just can't help but enjoy his company. (My happy eyes and my smiles always betray me.)
I just cant help but smile with just the thought of him. (And it's hard to explain why.)
I just can't help but long to be near him. (Maybe because he makes me feel so light and comfortable.)
I just can't help but look forward to see him smile at me and tease me with his naughty ways. (He never fails to make me laugh.)
For now, I am just enjoying his friendship. Each day, I am appreciating him as a person and a friend. He's different. I even told him he is "an exemption to my rule".
I just pray to the Lord to lead my heart, and his too.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Sheila's Birthday! :)
Twas past midnight but I was still smiling. My heart was leaping with joy. The 24th birthday celebration of Shiela was just perfect with the presence of our DBCC co-yuppies care group, her clan of singers, and a dear friend of mine. Shiela was wearing a black, above the knee-length dress, nicely fit for her petite shape. Though I know she was missing someone special that night, yet, her happy and child-like aura remained. I think she is the most accommodating birthday celebrant. In spite of her busy preparation, she managed to pick us up to ensure we would reach her place. Indeed, a very pleasant woman!
I have been grateful to Sheila. Our friendship is something I have not expected. We were both aloof with each other before. Just a mere "hi" and "hello" when we met in the church. Maybe because she's six years younger than me and those times we saw each other I had the idea she had a "crush" to my so-called "love team" in the church. Now that we are good friends, she admitted she was also hesitant to really know me better for the same reasons. I told her that the one she once admired is just a very good friend of mine. That our church mates just teased us because of our closeness as friends. And that there is nothing romantic between us. Shiela and I have become good friends since she introduced her boyfriend (Leo) to us on one Sunday fellowship. We became more comfortable with each other as we started bonding through malling, shopping and eating (remember the 1st time we ate together at KFC? twas that time i realized we had something in common: we could hardly read from afar. . . hehe). We even became closer through our constant fellowship in the care group.
I am truly blessed how the Lord brought me closer to Shiela and to the rest of our care group, namely: Mei, Elwyn, Dada, Matet, Patrick and Teng. :) I thank the Lord for your lives! Thank you for being my brothers and my sisters in the Lord!
For Sheila's birthday, I wish her to also claim God's promise in Jeremiah 29:11. I love you, Shie!;)
I have been grateful to Sheila. Our friendship is something I have not expected. We were both aloof with each other before. Just a mere "hi" and "hello" when we met in the church. Maybe because she's six years younger than me and those times we saw each other I had the idea she had a "crush" to my so-called "love team" in the church. Now that we are good friends, she admitted she was also hesitant to really know me better for the same reasons. I told her that the one she once admired is just a very good friend of mine. That our church mates just teased us because of our closeness as friends. And that there is nothing romantic between us. Shiela and I have become good friends since she introduced her boyfriend (Leo) to us on one Sunday fellowship. We became more comfortable with each other as we started bonding through malling, shopping and eating (remember the 1st time we ate together at KFC? twas that time i realized we had something in common: we could hardly read from afar. . . hehe). We even became closer through our constant fellowship in the care group.
I am truly blessed how the Lord brought me closer to Shiela and to the rest of our care group, namely: Mei, Elwyn, Dada, Matet, Patrick and Teng. :) I thank the Lord for your lives! Thank you for being my brothers and my sisters in the Lord!
For Sheila's birthday, I wish her to also claim God's promise in Jeremiah 29:11. I love you, Shie!;)
Monday, August 16, 2010
. . .
I am missing someone.
I miss talking to him. I miss laughing with him. I miss eating halo-halo with him. I miss walking with him. I miss being near him. :(
I miss talking to him. I miss laughing with him. I miss eating halo-halo with him. I miss walking with him. I miss being near him. :(
Saturday, August 7, 2010
God's Promises
I just praise God for working in my broken heart. Gradually, He picks up the pieces of my heart and makes it whole again. I find strength and comfort in His words.
" For I know the plans I have for you", says the Lord, "plan to prosper you and not to harm you; plan to bring you the future you hope for."- Jeremiah 29:11
"The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord. . ." Psalm 37:23
"He strengthens those who are weak and tired. Even those who are young grow weak; young people can fall exhausted. But those who trust in the Lord for help will find their strength renewed. They will rise on wings like eagles; they will run and not get weary; they will walk and not grow weak."- Isaiah 40:29-31
" But if any of you lack wisdom, you should pray to God, who will give it to you; because God gives generously and graciously to all. But when you pray, you must believe and not doubt at all. Whoever doubts is like a wave in the sea that is driven and blown about by the wind." James 1:5-6
" Every good gift and every perfect present comes from heaven; it comes down from God, the creator of the heavenly lights, who does not change or cause darkness by turning." James 1:17
" I am the Lord, the God of all people. Nothing is too difficult for me." -Jeremiah 32:26
. . . I put my trust in You, Lord. I love you! ;)
" For I know the plans I have for you", says the Lord, "plan to prosper you and not to harm you; plan to bring you the future you hope for."- Jeremiah 29:11
"The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord. . ." Psalm 37:23
"He strengthens those who are weak and tired. Even those who are young grow weak; young people can fall exhausted. But those who trust in the Lord for help will find their strength renewed. They will rise on wings like eagles; they will run and not get weary; they will walk and not grow weak."- Isaiah 40:29-31
" But if any of you lack wisdom, you should pray to God, who will give it to you; because God gives generously and graciously to all. But when you pray, you must believe and not doubt at all. Whoever doubts is like a wave in the sea that is driven and blown about by the wind." James 1:5-6
" Every good gift and every perfect present comes from heaven; it comes down from God, the creator of the heavenly lights, who does not change or cause darkness by turning." James 1:17
" I am the Lord, the God of all people. Nothing is too difficult for me." -Jeremiah 32:26
. . . I put my trust in You, Lord. I love you! ;)
Friday, July 30, 2010
My Lunch Buddy
People call us "lunch buddies". They start to associate us with each other, especially during lunch break. Seeing me alone in the school canteen, they wonder you are not with me, and then later on realize it is your day off.
I just wonder. Have I thanked you for being my constant companion during lunch? Maybe I already did. Or maybe I just smiled to make you feel I am grateful. Nonetheless, I want you to know I am truly thankful to you for hearty reasons.
You make me feel comfortable.
You make me talk about important details of my life.
You make me feel I am not alone.
You make me smile.:)
You make me look forward. . .
Thank you, Jayp!:)
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Unique Friendship
Last night was an awesome experience. Two of my roommates were drunk. They are not really drunkards but opted to drink for almost the same reasons: Badin missed her family and Babem had a petty misunderstanding with her mom. They had their drinking session at our terrace, which I was clueless of as I was busy in our room surfing the internet. They were already drunk when I got their letter asking my permission for them to drink.
I have known them both shortly since we are roommates for only more than a month now. I am more than a decade senior than them. Our age gap is something I appreciate. Their youthful aura makes me feel light and brings out the "child" in me. They remind me of my college days then.
They have different personalities. Badin is the silent type; Babem is the expressive one. But last night, I discovered something new about them. When drunk, Badin is more expressive while Babem is silent and sweet. Badin kept on laughing, talking and apologizing for drinking. Babem kept on telling us, " I love you", while kissing our cheeks. And a normal reaction of drunk ones, they did vomit.
I was just amazed with how we reacted with their behaviors. Together with our "landlady" and other house mates, we assisted them as they were too drunk to handle themselves. I could sense no irritation among my house mates. I saw everyone's care for them. We assisted them in different ways. Our landlady and two house mates brought Babem to the comfort room so she could take a shower since her clothes were dirty due to too much vomiting. One house mate brought a pale for them to vomit. Other house mate brought mugs with lukewarm water for them to drink. Everyone had the patience listening to Badin's emotional and often-repeated lines. Another roommate was busy documenting the "event". . . An hour later, we went to bed after ensuring the two had slept already.
Yes, we all came from different backgrounds. We only got to know each other the time we live in this apartment. It is like living in ABS-CBN's "Big Brother's House". The main difference though is that we behave normally, not to earn a prize. In my case, I have lived in this boarding house with the same landlords for about four years now. Yes, I also considered finding another place wherein I could have my own room and enjoy some privacy. But my previous experience renting my own room was lonesome. I felt so alone especially during troubled times. And I think what really made me stay this long here is the sense of belongingness. I feel like they are my "second family". Our landlady and her seaman husband are not just good looking but very considerate. Their pretty five-year old girl is so smart that sometimes I feel like she outwits us.
Indeed, a unique friendship. The sad part though is that I can not have the same roommates all the time. In fact, my old roommates already left after finishing college. I was depressed when they left for good since I got so used of being with them. Yet, as the time goes on, I have realized one happy part, that is, every now and then I gain not only new house mates but friends. I am also glad I still have one house mate (Ms. Amie) who has been with me for few years already. She also told me she prefers to stay here with her younger sister even after graduating.
Surely I wont stay here forever for I also want to have a family of my own in the near future. I wont be with these young ladies, my landlady and her family for a long time. But there is one thing I am sure of. They always have special place in my heart.
Thank you Lord for these wonderful people! :-)
Note: By the way, Badin and Babem are already good while I am writing this. We are all teasing them. :-)
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
The Only One True Love
Some close friends of mine keep on telling me to find the one for me. As they say, it is high time for me to love and be loved. I agree. It has been five years I am not in a relationship. Perhaps, they start thinking I am forgetting the need (is it really a need?) to have someone in my life. Of course not. I never forget. I just choose to wait.
I don't think I have to find him. I still believe that the one for me will come at the right time, God's perfect time. Those in my past came to my life and later on left for good reasons. Yes, I could have chosen to keep my past relationship, but for certain reasons, it slipped away from my hands, no matter how tightly I held it. It was not just meant for me. And as the time goes by, after all the tears, I have embraced acceptance, and more importantly, obedience.
Sometimes I am left wondering what really love is. I experienced loving and being loved by someone special. Yet till now, I cannot really fathom the truest meaning of love. Maybe because the ones I loved could not help but cause me pain, well, human as they are. And such pain used to break my heart. But I believe, there is such a thing as necessary pain-- the kind of pain that makes you mature, strong and hopeful of the future. The kind of future you ask from above.
A new friend recently sent me a text message that reads, "a man's love fails but God's love never fails". I am agreeable. I am always unfaithful to the Lord, yet, He remains forever faithful. God may allow some tears to flow, some misery to rest in our hearts, yet, it is just His way of pruning and molding us into better persons, pleasing to His eyes.
For me, God's love is the only one true love! He died in the cross just for us.
Ours is just an imitation.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOY0mjjmx8Y
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I Corinthians 13: 4-7,13
"Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up and its faith, hope and patience never prevail. Meanwhile, these three remain: faith, hope and love; and the greatest of these is love.
I don't think I have to find him. I still believe that the one for me will come at the right time, God's perfect time. Those in my past came to my life and later on left for good reasons. Yes, I could have chosen to keep my past relationship, but for certain reasons, it slipped away from my hands, no matter how tightly I held it. It was not just meant for me. And as the time goes by, after all the tears, I have embraced acceptance, and more importantly, obedience.
Sometimes I am left wondering what really love is. I experienced loving and being loved by someone special. Yet till now, I cannot really fathom the truest meaning of love. Maybe because the ones I loved could not help but cause me pain, well, human as they are. And such pain used to break my heart. But I believe, there is such a thing as necessary pain-- the kind of pain that makes you mature, strong and hopeful of the future. The kind of future you ask from above.
A new friend recently sent me a text message that reads, "a man's love fails but God's love never fails". I am agreeable. I am always unfaithful to the Lord, yet, He remains forever faithful. God may allow some tears to flow, some misery to rest in our hearts, yet, it is just His way of pruning and molding us into better persons, pleasing to His eyes.
For me, God's love is the only one true love! He died in the cross just for us.
Ours is just an imitation.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOY0mjjmx8Y
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I Corinthians 13: 4-7,13
"Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up and its faith, hope and patience never prevail. Meanwhile, these three remain: faith, hope and love; and the greatest of these is love.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Having a Joyful Heart
Many times, I counted my sorrows than my joys. And it made my sadness grow into doubt, resentment and worst, bitterness. I used to cling to my past. I was (and maybe still am to some extent) the type who could hardly let go of something and someone I cherished but lost. I dwelt with so many "what ifs", "why couldn't be" that I forgot to see the beautiful things ahead of me. I did cry "bucket" of tears for my failed relationships. I blamed myself with the thought that I could have chosen to be happy, with the man I used to love, and with a career I dreamed of. There was even a point in my life that I felt so stagnant and it seemed nothing better will happen. Everything was but routine. I was sick of waking up everyday and doing the same thing again and again. . .
Yet, when our church pastor mentioned in his sermon to start counting God's blessings, I was amazed to know I have many reasons to be happy, much more, joyful. God has been good to me in many ways which I failed to see.
Foremost, I thank God for this life. Not all are given the chance to see the beauty of His wonderful creation. I thank Him for the good health and strength. When I had appendectomy almost two years ago, I realized that indeed God is faithful. I celebrated my birthday in the hospital, something I never had the hint would happen. I cried hard when the doctor advised for urgent surgery, otherwise my appendix might rapture and cause harm to my life. I chose not to inform my loved ones right away. I did not want to make them worry a lot. My mother is hypertensive and my father is easily saddened with any bad news. Even If I would tell them immediately, they would still not make it during my operation. It was so urgent that I had to be operated three hours after I was diagnosed of acute appendicitis. If I told my parents, they had to travel at least 8 hours by bus. I only told my sister the day after the operation and asked her to keep it until my discharge from the hospital. My parents only knew it during the last day of my stay in the hospital. It was also my birthday. They were shocked but relieved after I convinced them I was in good condition already. A family in my church offered me to stay in their house for about 10 days. I am always grateful to the Mawas family for that. Ate Jing (RN) nursed me for free. Vienna (a very good friend of mine) shared her room to me. Man-man (Ate Jing and Kuya Ben's son) was my playful companion.
I also thank God for helping me hurdle the rigor of my career and my studies. I thought I could not finish my masteral on time with all the demands of my previous job. I almost lost hope and wanted to join few classmates who opted to drop the Strategic Plan subject. Yet, thanks to few masteral friends (special mention to Amie, Rodj, Nahlu and Lourdes) for their company and encouragement. We shared some coffee and sleepless Friday nights doing our individual strategic plan paper. And we all made it to graduation.
In addition, I thank God for the new job I have now. I got the job just in time my heart and my mind wanted it badly. I am still adjusting with the new working environment, yet, I am enjoying my new friends, new experience and new learning.
I also thank the Lord for my first two nephews. My older sister gave birth through normal delivery just few minutes after the doctor declared she had to undergo cesarian operation. Likewise, my sister-in-law did not have any problem with her delivery.
I thank God each day of my life. I thank God for loved ones who always inspire me to do best. I often miss them but I think they miss me more, with their widest smiles those few treasured moments we shared every time I got the chance to go home for a vacation.
I may get sad (well, a normal thing for human beings!) but I have learned to see and get excited of what God has prepared ahead of me.
I want to end this with my favorite Bible passage in Jeremiah 29:11- The Lord said, " For I know the plans I have for you; plan to prosper you and not to harm you; plan to give you the future you hope for."
Monday, June 28, 2010
Happily Waiting :-)
It's all over!
My feelings for him. My regrets. My pain. I have moved on. I have accepted we are not made for each other.
I believe God is still writing my love story. I may not know yet the leading man in that story. However, I am pretty sure he is the best for me. My heart may long for someone else for now. My faith may dwindle every now and then. Still, I trust that the moment the Lord will reveal the right one for me, it will be a delightful surprise. More than I expect. More than my heart desires.
He may not fit the standards I have set for a lover, much more for a lifetime partner. He may not be what others expect for me to share the rest of my life with. Still, I have the peace that he is the best for me. The best not because of what and who he is or he is not. The best because he is the one God has prepared for me.
I am just right here. Waiting. Hoping. Praying. Trusting.
Hope to meet him soon in God's perfect time.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Time Heals
I just want to thank one person who helped me move on. He is the same person who caused my heart misery few years ago. Though, I believe, it was also my fault. After all, it took the two of us to "tango". And so I blamed myself, too.
Looking back, I enjoyed those times we were together. He was the sweetest suitor I ever had. . . and maybe the most patient. However, waiting is not really easy. He could wait no more. And so he left without letting me know why. I was hurt when I learned from a common friend that he already got married. So painful!
I felt betrayed with what he did. I cried several times. Deep inside, I wanted to ask him why he did it to me. I wanted to scream! But I realized it would not do anything good. Not anymore.
A year passed by. Then one night, someone sent me text messages but refused to reveal his identity. A familiar line from his text made me recognize him. He was surprised I knew it was him. How could I forget such familiar line?
We talked over the phone for almost an hour on that same night. He said "sorry" for what happened. He did a sort of explanation of what happened about a year ago. He told me that all he wanted that time was to settle down but I was quite pre-occupied with my career and my masteral. That he wanted my full attention then, which apparently I failed to give.. . And that he missed me. . .That it should have been the two of us now. . .He asked me if I ever loved him. . . And I said, it's already part of the past and there's no point of telling him, whatever it might be.
I told him God has other plans for the both of us. That we are not really meant for each other. Otherwise, he should have not met his wife during the time he wanted to settle down.
With all honesty, his call flattered my heart. It convinced me that indeed he loved me. That I was special to him. . . But sad to say it's all over now! And all I need to do is.... accept.
Moving on without him may still hurt once in a while. However, I now have the peace of mind after our talk. I am just glad we remain friends. And I do want to be a good friend to him by encouraging him to be faithful, not to me, but to his wife.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Project Management
IS PROJECT MANAGEMENT A SCIENCE OR AN ART?
In my own perspective, project management is both a science and an art. It is a science because it seeks to understand and apply processes, tools and techniques. The use of project management tools such as the Gantt chart/PERT CPM, cost monitoring and control, etc. are very relevant. These provide direction and guidelines for project completion and success.
Project management is an art because it involves the organization and the people. It requires a tedious task of organizing, building and motivating the team. For a project to succeed, it requires the right and appropriate people. It requires an effective project manager and dedicated team members. Along the way, several issues may arise due to conflict of personalities and interests. It is a reality that people tend to communicate ineffectively as evidenced by gossips and hearsays—which all ruin the team’s unity. Yet, an effective leadership and communication will ease out barriers and bring unity to the team. Hence, the people who work for the project namely, the project manager and the team members need to communicate effectively, work within the organization’s culture and motivate each other. The project manager needs to have leadership skills and organizational effectiveness. Team members need to have the dedication and determination for the project’s success.
A personal experience noted certain challenges in project management. I experienced handling a three-day, out of town Job Hunt. As Head of the Personnel Department, I automatically became the project manager and my members are five Personnel staff. The goal was to hire at least 400 people for casual and staff level positions. The project cost was not much of an issue because the city government through the Public Employment Service Office (PESO) offered a place to hold the event. Renting a venue to hold such big event should have been the biggest chunk of the cost. However, a challenge was posed with the lack of experience of the Personnel staff since three of them were still very new in the company. Another challenge was the external coordination with the City Mayor’s office and PESO due to the distance and an impersonal means of communication (e.g. telephone). Yet, through proper identification and delegation of tasks and motivation, the “neophytes” were able to deliver. Proper scheduling and monitoring of activities in preparation of the Job Hunt (e.g. preparation of materials, such as streamers, posters, test booklets, etc.; and advertisements) made the event well disseminated and organized. The Job Hunt team came back successful, able to meet the management’s expectation.
Human Resource
Which Is Difficult, To Fire The Wrong Person
For more than six years of working as Human Resource Officer, hiring the right person and firing the wrong person do not become my cup of tea. They both remain my struggles.
Hiring the right person for a job is one of my toughest tasks. Resumes, aptitude and personality tests and interviews do not say everything about the person. There are applicants who are very intellectually equipped and yet emotionally unprepared for a job. Many times, I was “wowed” by interviewees with their credentials, level of confidence and pleasant personalities only to realize quite soon they are not the right persons for the job. Some lack the “soft” skills, while others, the “hard” skills necessary in order to be effective in a job. I once hired a Training Officer whom I thought was very fit for the job. During the interview, she convinced me that talking to a group was her passion. Among the applicants, she was the most conversant and pleasant. I hired her on the spot. During her evaluation day, she seemed very enthusiastic while running the training. However, after several times of running the same training, she admitted she had difficulty sustaining a discussion to a big group of 30 to 40 trainees. I was already trapped with her “deception skills” during the interview. She exactly knew who I wanted and pretended to be that person. And I was wrong.
I also hired a store operations supervisor whose resume, wit and leadership potential impressed me. After a month, she came to my office with a resignation letter, telling me she could hardly supervise her subordinates. She even cried in front of them out of frustration.
On the contrary, there was this one employee I hired despite the lack of competence. She had difficulty expressing her thoughts and showed nervousness while talking. I still hired her because of the urgent need. She has been with the company for three years and almost always hits the sales quota. These experiences made me realize that I can never say who the “right” person. Whom I considered “right” was “wrong” and whom I thought was “wrong” turned out “right”. Indeed. It will take time to be able to know if he or she is the right person. And usually, the confirmation happens after hiring the person.
In the same manner, firing the wrong person is one of the hardest things to do. It is even made more difficult when that person considers himself “right” for the job or when you know he or she is the family bread-winner. One probationary employee contested the performance appraisal of his immediate superior. He was very disheartened and it took me almost an hour to explain why his contract had to be terminated. During our conversation, I reflected I caused a share of his pain for hiring him.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Wonderful Memories
And so we met.
You thought I was too brave to finally agree to meet you all by myself. I also thought the same until I changed my mind to bring two of my friends without your consent. I felt awkward but excited to finally see you.
You were so masculine in your white polo shirt and faded blue maong pants. I was mesmerized by your two cute little dimples everytime you smiled. But good as I was in hiding my emotion, I know you never had the hint how I felt.
Twas 3:00 PM so I was not really starving. We just ordered 2 glasses of iced tea. You insisted that we order more but we politely refused.
Our meeting was just less than an hour because you also had to drive your mom home. But I guess, I talked that much (didn't I?). We bid goodbye bearing in mind we will meet again because you said so. And I was looking forward to our next meeting.
You thought I was too brave to finally agree to meet you all by myself. I also thought the same until I changed my mind to bring two of my friends without your consent. I felt awkward but excited to finally see you.
You were so masculine in your white polo shirt and faded blue maong pants. I was mesmerized by your two cute little dimples everytime you smiled. But good as I was in hiding my emotion, I know you never had the hint how I felt.
Twas 3:00 PM so I was not really starving. We just ordered 2 glasses of iced tea. You insisted that we order more but we politely refused.
Our meeting was just less than an hour because you also had to drive your mom home. But I guess, I talked that much (didn't I?). We bid goodbye bearing in mind we will meet again because you said so. And I was looking forward to our next meeting.
Just When I'm Ready, You Left
I never expected it would hurt that much.
I know I just took you forgranted. I was too pre-occupied by my plan to pursue graduate studies. I was too confident you'd just be there when I'm ready. But then, you left just when I am ready. How painful. How miserable.
It has been more than a year now but I could not say I have completely moved on. Many times I regret. I know this is not good for me. I should not be driven by my past. But it is difficult to just accept you are not really meant for me. Because I thought you were. . .
I wish to see you somewhere down the road. Not to interfere with your life now. Not to bring back the past. But to thank you that for once, I had your affection.
I know I just took you forgranted. I was too pre-occupied by my plan to pursue graduate studies. I was too confident you'd just be there when I'm ready. But then, you left just when I am ready. How painful. How miserable.
It has been more than a year now but I could not say I have completely moved on. Many times I regret. I know this is not good for me. I should not be driven by my past. But it is difficult to just accept you are not really meant for me. Because I thought you were. . .
I wish to see you somewhere down the road. Not to interfere with your life now. Not to bring back the past. But to thank you that for once, I had your affection.
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