Many times, I counted my sorrows than my joys. And it made my sadness grow into doubt, resentment and worst, bitterness. I used to cling to my past. I was (and maybe still am to some extent) the type who could hardly let go of something and someone I cherished but lost. I dwelt with so many "what ifs", "why couldn't be" that I forgot to see the beautiful things ahead of me. I did cry "bucket" of tears for my failed relationships. I blamed myself with the thought that I could have chosen to be happy, with the man I used to love, and with a career I dreamed of. There was even a point in my life that I felt so stagnant and it seemed nothing better will happen. Everything was but routine. I was sick of waking up everyday and doing the same thing again and again. . .
Yet, when our church pastor mentioned in his sermon to start counting God's blessings, I was amazed to know I have many reasons to be happy, much more, joyful. God has been good to me in many ways which I failed to see.
Foremost, I thank God for this life. Not all are given the chance to see the beauty of His wonderful creation. I thank Him for the good health and strength. When I had appendectomy almost two years ago, I realized that indeed God is faithful. I celebrated my birthday in the hospital, something I never had the hint would happen. I cried hard when the doctor advised for urgent surgery, otherwise my appendix might rapture and cause harm to my life. I chose not to inform my loved ones right away. I did not want to make them worry a lot. My mother is hypertensive and my father is easily saddened with any bad news. Even If I would tell them immediately, they would still not make it during my operation. It was so urgent that I had to be operated three hours after I was diagnosed of acute appendicitis. If I told my parents, they had to travel at least 8 hours by bus. I only told my sister the day after the operation and asked her to keep it until my discharge from the hospital. My parents only knew it during the last day of my stay in the hospital. It was also my birthday. They were shocked but relieved after I convinced them I was in good condition already. A family in my church offered me to stay in their house for about 10 days. I am always grateful to the Mawas family for that. Ate Jing (RN) nursed me for free. Vienna (a very good friend of mine) shared her room to me. Man-man (Ate Jing and Kuya Ben's son) was my playful companion.
I also thank God for helping me hurdle the rigor of my career and my studies. I thought I could not finish my masteral on time with all the demands of my previous job. I almost lost hope and wanted to join few classmates who opted to drop the Strategic Plan subject. Yet, thanks to few masteral friends (special mention to Amie, Rodj, Nahlu and Lourdes) for their company and encouragement. We shared some coffee and sleepless Friday nights doing our individual strategic plan paper. And we all made it to graduation.
In addition, I thank God for the new job I have now. I got the job just in time my heart and my mind wanted it badly. I am still adjusting with the new working environment, yet, I am enjoying my new friends, new experience and new learning.
I also thank the Lord for my first two nephews. My older sister gave birth through normal delivery just few minutes after the doctor declared she had to undergo cesarian operation. Likewise, my sister-in-law did not have any problem with her delivery.
I thank God each day of my life. I thank God for loved ones who always inspire me to do best. I often miss them but I think they miss me more, with their widest smiles those few treasured moments we shared every time I got the chance to go home for a vacation.
I may get sad (well, a normal thing for human beings!) but I have learned to see and get excited of what God has prepared ahead of me.
I want to end this with my favorite Bible passage in Jeremiah 29:11- The Lord said, " For I know the plans I have for you; plan to prosper you and not to harm you; plan to give you the future you hope for."
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