My Life Now

I just had one long week-end. Aside from my usual two days off from work (Saturday and Sunday), I did not report for work last Monday for it was a special non-working holiday in view of the barangay and SK elections.

I went to church last Sunday and had lunch with my care group at Times Square. It is always special for me to spend time with my friends from church. Sundays seem incomplete without eating lunch and bonding with them. The siomai from a vendor outside the church is also our favorite.

I had a movie marathon with my house mates last Saturday and Monday afternoons. The Saturday movie marathon was an "emote mode" with the Tagalog movie All My Life (not so happy-ending; the leading man died due to heart failure--good thing he married the woman he loved before he died and she was left with a child). It was also a "scream mode" with an English movie Piranha (human-killing fish). The Monday movie marathon was a "kilig mode" with the movie Reign of Assassins (the lead assassins in this movie just love each other deeply!) a "sleeping mode" (slept on the couch) with the movie Transformers.

It's been about five months now that I am already enjoying long week-ends. Looking back, I was one of the busiest persons in the world. I worked for 6 days a week, more than 8 hours a day; and I attended my masteral class once a week for 9 hours. For almost two years, idling was not in my mind. Every single day was always in a rush with the pressures with my work and my masteral study.

My life is carefree and flexible now with the luxury of time I enjoy. No more sleepless nights due to masteral papers. No more morning rush. No more chasing with time. I now have more time for afternoon naps. More time to surf the internet (e.g. FB, RareJob and Blog). More time for malling. More time for sports (did enjoy playing bowling with my church mates). More time for movie marathon and meals with house mates who used to complain I did not have time for them as I always came home late and already drained with the long day. They said, they see me now come into life again as I share child-like laughters with them.

My life is more meaningful now. My church mates express joy that they now see me regularly in the church, every Wednesday for our prayer meeting, every Friday for the Young Professional Care Group bible study, and every Sunday for the Fellowship. I also have more time now to read my bible and the Purpose Driven Life. I also have my care group and a dear friend who always encourage me to do my quiet time and grow in my love relationship with the Lord.

My life is really different now. And I just love it. I get to spend time with more important activities, church activities at that, and with significant people. . . After all, the best way to spell love is T-I-M-E (from PDL).

Thank you Lord for these blessings! :)

My Prayers

Dear Lord,

Please teach me to walk by faith and not by sight.

Please teach me to be strong when I feel weak.

Please teach me to trust you completely when I find it difficult to understand.

Please teach me to hold on unto you when I feel like I am losing my grip.

Please teach me to have faith when I lose hope.

Please teach me to smile when I feel like crying.


Thank you Lord for loving me faithfully! :)

The Heart of Worship is Surrender

My life has been a little shaky lately as I am trying to let the time passes by, trying not to notice so much of what's happening. As I am learning to become less of a planner. As I am learning to be more spontaneous. As I am learning to be more trusting, not to anyone else, but to God.

I am feeling tired along the way. I am tired of trying not to notice how things unfold in my life. I am tired of trying not to figure out what lies ahead. I am tired of hoping. I am tired of waiting. I think it's the planner and the controller in me. I just want to know every step of the way. I just want to walk with a clear direction. I just want to be in control.

But no, this isn't what God wants for me. He wants me to have a heart that fully surrenders to His will. I have learned from the Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren that the heart of worship is surrender. That is to fully surrender your life to the Lord, the requirements of which are trust and obedience. That I should learn to let God be in control, not myself. Well, this is easier said than done. I have been struggling. I have been crying to God, expressing my regrets and doubts. Yet, sometimes, I feel that He seems distant with some unanswered prayers. . . Then I am reminded, it's because I don't have the heart of true worship yet.

I humbly admit that it's only by God's grace that I will be able to fully surrender to Him. In my own weaknesses, it is difficult. But I know, that in my weaknesses, God's strength will prevail, if I only trust and obey.

Lord, I entrust all my cares unto you. You know everything about me. You know my fears. You know my heart. I ask you to change my heart. I ask you to give me a heart that truly and fully surrenders to you as I put my hope in you and in your words (Jeremiah 29:11 and Ecclesiastes 3:11).

Thank you so much, Lord!

Leading My Heart

My heart has its series of ups and downs.

Sometimes, I find it difficult to really understand my heart. Its emotions are never stable. Deep inside me, I wish for my heart to remain steadfast with joy. But I think, it can never be. As seasons change, my heart also does. It's happy now, it's sad later on. It's convinced now, it's skeptical the day after.

Oftentimes, I am teaching my heart to be as "gentle as a dove but as wise as a serpent". Yet, I've realized it's painstakingly difficult. How many times my heart has been broken? Many times for some reasons. Unmet expectations. Undeserved criticisms. Failed relationships. Shattered trust. And a lot more.

On its own, my heart could go astray, especially when it is hurting too much or wanting something too badly. I am just blessed with what I learned from the movie, Fireproof. That I should not just follow my heart for it can be deceived; I should lead it.

When confused, when doubting, when hurt, my heart needs me to lead it. I should not be overwhelmed with how it is feeling. Instead, I should direct it towards the right direction. Where there is comfort and refuge. Where there is peace and joy.

And I am asking the Lord to lead me as I lead my heart. =)